So the time has probably arrived.
The one that you wish wasn't just around the corner. The juncture that has evaded definition until right about now. The moment that has been shrouded in a beautiful muted grey. Soft, wafting and elusive. But now it has morphed into a newly defined sharpness that prevails as the now. The present.
Face it. Feel it. Ride it and hope to come out the other side. Breathe in until it hurts. Deep seated sharpness. Arousing the senses. Kick starting the brain. Think. That's what you have avoided until now.
Thoughts. Bottled rationalised emotions. Bubbling away. Safe until they are released into the wide sense of self realisation.
I'm not scared. I am ready. Ready for the moment that will shape my tomorrows. But are you? My dear friend. Will you be here, walking alongside me every step of the way?
Tip the rim and grip the stem. Pour that clear straw like liquid right in. I don't want to be broken. I yearn to emerge from this. Phoenix from the ashes.
Ride this journey with me. Ups and downs. Don't let it submerge us now. Like lifeless debris cast out to sea. Bobbing around - just you and me. Cut loose and carefree. That is what I want to be. Free from the pull of my now but it's not to be.
Wake up.
Face it.
Hear it.
Feel it.
Then live it.
And like the harsh sunlight that crashes through your waking moments, the truth will seep through. A husk of life or a seed to grow? This is your chance to let your choice show.
But as it radiates up, snaking through your core, you know deep down that you have choice no more. Take what you can. Hold it here, clasped feebly in your hand knowing that it will be ripped from you.
Inside you, you know that it is over. You've skipped and danced. Skating across the surface of what scares you most. It's not really left you blind. The chase through the maze; running from what is close behind.
Steady. I can hear your heartbeat. Settle me now. Take a breath. Allow yourself to be frozen in time. Still your senses. Just be. Here. Now. Present. Skin and bone close. Pressing against what you love the most.
A few hours and the words will be released. Once out, fluttering frenetically in front of your face. Capture one and its true meaning you try to trace. Hold it there in your trembling hand. Why is truth so hard to understand?
Take me back to that place of warmth and love. A chance to see you from above. Looking down, it comes into place. The boyish pleasure on your face. But i am dragged from far behind, pulled back to a place unkind.
Wake up.
Face it.
Hear it.
Feel it.
Then live it.
I can do this. I can. But for now, I'm a girl and you're a man. Hold me close. Wrap me up. Let me be the needy one. Warm me up and breathe the life back into me. Hear my unspoken words. Breathe me in.
Tip the rim and grip the stem. Pour that clear straw like liquid right in. Washing over like an oily slick, painful attacks are so damn quick.
I will sit and listen well, knowing that there's nought to tell.
