My Little Girl

You've felt the pain

My Little Girl

Sadly

You have felt it

Again and Again

For a while

I fought the knife

That sliced right through our life

The first cut smooth and shallow

Causing distraction

And deferred pain

But then back and forth

It ran through your flesh

Again and again

I tightened my grip

Friction fighting 

Futility

I stared hard at the glinting edge

That rhythmically ripped 

Into our known

Repetitive

Unstoppable

Still I was holding on

To that blade that cut 

Us to the core

I tried to stop 

The muted mercilessness 

But there was more

MORE

Despite my hold

The pain and suffering began to unfold

And I pulled against it

Never faltering

I held tight

Loving you when here and 

When out of sight

I carried you with me

But the wound began to weep

And as I refused to release my grip

On life's knife

I watched it puncture your heart

So deep, so swift

You didn't wince

The depth of entry was greater 

Than its width

Still I remain latched on

As a starving babe

Sucking for life

I couldn't let go

At the start

Petals of crimson rose

Fell

Scattering softly to the ground

But as the pain increased

Without sound

The screaming red

Streamed

Pooling around our feet

Banging relentlessly 

Inside my head

That screaming red

Staring 

At the crimson tide

That seeped out 

From deep inside

I fought again

I took you 

To my heart

To a place from where

I couldn't bear us to part

Us

You and me

Together in undefined unity

But as that crimson tide

Rose high

Pulsing

Pouring

Bubbles frothing

Lips 

Lungs

Choking

We were both going to drown

I fought back

Don't hold me down

I took that knife

I sliced

I sliced

Right through my life

As a mother

Of a beautiful child

I looked again

Your eyes turned wild

I sliced that tie

That held me there

I could not bear

To see you stare

Knocking again and again 

At that door of despair 

I cut myself loose

And I said goodbye

to you

My Little Girl

You didn't know I had gone

Could not sense something was so desperately wrong

I wanted to stay there

To hold you

Love you

Breathe for you

But I had to go

To save yourself

Killing me softly

So deep 

Deep inside

No one knew 

How my heart had ripped

Open 

Raw

Gaping wide

I said goodbye to you 

My Little Girl

You had to learn

To fight 

To come right back

To find that

True sense of attack

To breathe for yourself

To adjust

To accept

And with time

To love 

you

I watched in pain

As the ocean of crimson

Flowed over you

Pushing you down

Glimmer of hope

Came as

Glimpses of what I had once known

Surfaced

But then you were forced down again

And again

Weak and sunken eyes

A world drowning 

Under a sea of sighs

I didn't know you

I couldn't reach you

You had begun to float away

What was hiding inside you

That kept you so far removed

From the strength 

That you once had

You left me cold

I took my heart out then 

Left it on the side

A mother's love 

I myself denied

Sacrifice

Comes at a price

Mistakes are there to be had

But quite why

We need to endure

Such loss

I am not sure

Perhaps for you

It was just so that we could

Come together once more

And feel what we know is true

Share our familial bond

A strength 

I think you now know that

You tried to refrain 

From looking closely as the pieces of your old world

Fell weightlessly

Like snowflakes from a darkened sky

Today there you were

By my side

And it felt so 

Right

To be us

As I remember once

The things we touched

Shared

We did it together 

So we didn't have to feel the pain

Today

I held you close

My arms around your heart

My hands caressing your soul

My heart beating strong

I didn't get it wrong

You didn't drown

Nothing could keep you down

You needed to do it for you

And here you are

My Little Girl

Breathing hard

Buoyant 

With love

Brimming with hope

Living and

Creating life 

You will always be My Little Girl

and I will never leave you out in the cold...